Your Horse Doesn't Love You. Get Over It!

Your horse doesn’t love you. 

Them’s fightin’ words to some people. Now, I’m not saying that’s you, but since you’re here, let me lay this out for you. There’s a point to this, I promise.

We all know that there are different senses of the word “love” in English. I can say I love ice cream and I love horses and you wouldn’t be confused by either statement. Get out of our shared culture and there is more opportunity for misunderstanding. I would be very careful how I talked about loving all things equine when ordering in certain European restaurants. It only gets worse when we try to translate a nuanced concept to another human language, and it’s a complete disaster in inter-species communication.

The human and the equine are as opposite as can be. Dr. Miller and I coined the terms “ultimate predator” and “ultimate prey animal” back in 2004 to drive this point home. That a relationship of any kind can exist between these two polar opposites in the animal kingdom is amazing on its face. That this relationship can be taken to the highest levels of mutual trust, respect, and communication is … is … well, it’s why I’m writing this and you’re reading it.

Why can’t we use “love” to describe how a horse feels about his human partner? Two words: It’s dangerous. It’s dangerous because it feeds the notion that the same thought processes and mental structures are in a horse’s noggin as in yours. Your horse has a more primitive brain than you. He lives in the moment. He has no principles or values. His perceptions of the world around him are those of a highly successful prey animal. His first instinct when there is any question about his safety is to move his feet. Yes, you can train him to look to you for leadership when he’s worried, but the instinct to survive at all costs remains. Every horse is capable of spooking and running right over anything in its path, including you. Your belief that he loves you won’t stop that.

Now think for a moment about your essential nature. Humans are tool users. Our hands, not our feet, are our first lines of defense. We can imagine things we haven’t seen, we think about the future, we have the capacity to read and write, we have empathy, and we can reason. And since I brought it up, is it reasonable to think that this already-complicated concept of love that occupies our thoughts can also exist in the horse’s very different mind? Hmmm?

So, if it’s not love, what exactly does your horse feel when he’s around you? When he bats those big brown eyes, when he nuzzles you, when he nickers at the sound of your footsteps approaching? He feels safe. That’s it. He may like what happens when you’re around. He gets fed or brushed or ridden. But none of that would matter a whit if he didn’t feel safe. Pat Parelli used to say that a horse’s priorities are safety, comfort, and play (food has since been added to the list). Safety is first for a reason. It’s more important than you.

This truth may stick in the craw. You may fear it will ruin what you love about horses. Take a deep breath. Accepting this essential truth about horses is a rite of passage on the horseman’s journey, and you know what? It won’t change a thing for you. Horses will still be wonderful and they’ll still be the most perfect vehicle for human fulfillment and self-actualization that has ever existed on God’s green earth.

You love your horse? I’m happy for you. Really! Just don’t tell me your horse loves you back. Because he doesn’t.   

Three Tricks for Better Behavior at Feeding Time

Horses love food. I can relate! But too often a horse’s behavior becomes annoying or even dangerous when he’s obsessed about eating. Here are three tricks I’ve found that transform a horse’s behavior at feeding time. I call them tricks because they work like magic. By the way, these aren’t all that advanced but they’re not for beginners, either.

Back before eating. Backing isn’t natural for a horse. Psychologically and physiologically, he’s a forward animal. But you’re going to teach him to back away from food upon your command. Teach this with your horse in a rope halter and lead rope so you have some control. Bring him to his feed and make sure he sees it. Now ask him to back up. You’ll need to use the standard natural horsemanship techniques of pressure and release, rewarding the slightest try and progressively raising your expectations. When you get something you can reward, you will not only stop asking but also invite him forward to eat. Yippee. Some horses catch on to this game so quickly they will start anticipating your cue and backing away from the food before you’ve asked. If that happens, do nothing until he stops backing. Then ask him to back some more and reward with feeding. Our Icelandic Horse, Fidla, would start backing when she saw us coming toward the barn. It was like she was saying, “See? See? Can I eat now, already?”

Pretend you don’t want it. This is a little game I’ve taught several horses. But I need to reiterate that this is not for beginners. Hand-feeding treats is a good way to get hurt if you haven’t established boundaries of space and behavior with your horse. So don’t attempt this unless you are absolutely certain you can do it safely. Start with your horse in a halter and lead rope. Stand a few feet in front of him. Make sure he knows you have a treat and is looking directly at you. Then say, “pretend you don’t want it.” At first, he won’t know what you mean, so you may have to say it again, and again. At some point, however, he will move his head slightly to one side or the other. It’s just a random movement. Instantly praise him and give him the treat. Try it again. He may get worse before he gets better, but eventually he will respond by turning completely away from you, just like he’s saying, “Take it away; I’m not interested.” Again, he is showing a willingness to put responding to your request above his primal desire to eat. By the way, don’t repeat this trick too many times. A rookie mistake is to keep repeating something until the horse fails or refuses. Don’t be that guy. Look for a good place to end as soon as he gets the hang of it. When you stop on a good note, your horse will likely be better next time.

Vary feeding time. What happens when a horse gets used to being fed at precisely the same times each day? Right! He freaks out if you’re even a few minutes late. So don’t be so predictable! Vary the time by up to two hours. If you normally feed at 6 am, make it 6:45 or 7:58 some days. He’ll get used to it, I promise. And remember, multiple small feedings throughout the day are healthier than two big feedings. There’s a bonus to this strategy, by the way. You have more flexibility in your own schedule. You can actually finish dessert before leaving the restaurant with that apologetic, “Sorry, I have to feed!”

Final thought. Food is a powerful motivator for horses. Yes, a horse can be taught without the use of food rewards. No, you can’t always get a treat to a horse at the right moment to reinforce his behavior. But food is still useful in training because it is completely unambiguous to the horse. He doesn’t have to wonder if you’re really happy with him. If you give him food, life is good.

Being a Good Receiver

Every horse is a nonstop transmitter of data about his state of mind. Ears show us what has captured the horse's attention and the intensity of his feelings at the moment. Up and forward tell us he's focused on something ahead. Ears swiveling casually about suggest that the horse is checking out what's going on around him. Ears pinned back accompany physical exertion or aggression. Ears that are loose and floppy go with a relaxed, comfortable state of mind. Other signs of relaxation include blinking eyes, loose mouth, quiet tail, lowered head, and a leg cocked. Signs of tension are just the opposite: Wide eyes, tight mouth, swishing tail, high head, and all four feet on the ground, ready to take flight.

Good horsemen take all of this in and filter it with a sort of sixth sense born of equal parts empathy and experience. They are highly effective receivers of what the horse is transmitting at any given moment. How they use the information is another matter, of course, but the best of them strike a balance between support and challenge, between nurturing and demanding.

Next time you’re around a horse, try to figure out what he’s saying with his body. And see what you can tell him with yours. Awareness is the first step in the journey.

Neighborhood Parade

I have to brag a little about our horses. Last night I rode Candy and Diana led Fidla in our neighborhood Christmas parade. It was the first time we’d done this. Come to think of it, it’s the first time we had done anything of substance with our horses at night. And what a night it was. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Our neighborhood is a hodge podge of old and new homes, most on an acre or more of land, and, until a couple years ago, there were no activities that brought us all together. The Christmas parade changed that and now it's followed by a potluck dinner and live music. We love it! The parade gets more colorful each year. The route is about two miles. There are cars, trucks, boats, flatbed trailers, golf carts, kids on bicycles, and lots of people walking. Every vehicle and many of the walkers are covered in lights and decorations. Christmas carols blare, horns honk, bells jingle, people sing, and giant blowup characters sway back and forth. Get the picture?

So into the midst of all this, we take our horses. Everyone was happy to see them. They are popular fixtures in the neighborhood. Diana did great with Fidla, who was calm and unconcerned. Apparently it was just another night on the fjord for her. Not so much for Candy. She was fine at first but the half-hour delay in getting going – apparently a fuse problem – took its toll and she got fidgety. She wasn’t doing anything wrong, mind you, but I did need to manage the situation. It turned into a great opportunity to practice what I preach: Control the horse’s feet and you control her mind. There was an additional challenge in that this was all happening in a tight space with lots of distractions and lots of kids running around.

First, I consciously relaxed my entire body so I wasn’t fueling Candy's fidgeting with my own energy. That helped but she still wanted to move, so we moved. Forward a step, backward a step, sidepass left, sidepass right, flex laterally, flex vertically. I talked to her in a calm voice, sang a little, stroked her at every opportunity and repeatedly gave her a chance to stand quietly if she wanted to. Asking her to listen to me and think about her feet was just what she needed. The parade finally started moving and we fell in behind a tall cargo van full of kids. Candy had a real spring in her step, which was fantastic! Gradually her energy level dropped and by the end of this two-hour sensory feast, Candy was as unimpressed by the sights and sounds as Fidla was. I was very proud of both of them.

One little tip if you join a neighborhood Christmas parade: Don’t line up behind the diesel truck …

How horses think

If I were to make a list of the most fascinating people I've interviewed, Dr. Temple Grandin would be right at the top. I find her life story inspiring (and it made a great HBO movie), but even more interesting to me is her explanation of how horses think. We talked about this before a packed house at the Minnesota Horse Expo. Don’t miss this thought-provoking two-part interview.

Listen to part 1 Listen to part 2

A Lonely Number

When I see a horse standing alone in a field, I’m reminded of Harry Nilsson’s lyric: “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” Just how important is it for horses to be with others of their kind? You decide. Dr. Bob Miller (of imprint training fame) tells of visiting a Canadian Premarin facility where scores of pregnant mares were confined in short-walled tie stalls, side by side, for hours on end. Confinement is a natural stressor for horses, yet these horses were happy as clams. Apparently, being in a herd was more important to them than being free to move. The converse is also telling. At New Bolton Center, University of Pennsylvania School of Veterinary Medicine, horses sometimes present with an odd symptom: Collapsing for no apparent reason. What the horses have in common is that they live alone. No herd. No companions of any kind. In my radio show this week, you’ll learn how going solo can affect a horse.

Listen to interview with Dr. Amy Johnson

Extinction of Behavior - Finding the Reward

I promised last time that I would address the fifth “quadrant” of operant conditioning, extinction, in a future blog. So here we go.

Simply put, the principle of extinction says that, if reinforcement of a behavior ceases, the behavior will eventually die out. This is important to us horse owners because it means that punishing an undesirable equine behavior is not the only way to eliminate it. Just stop rewarding the behavior and eventually it will go away on its own. If a behavior recurs with the same or greater intensity, we know it is being reinforced in some way.

One good strategy for dealing with unwanted equine behavior is thus to find the reward. What is the horse getting out of doing this? Get rid of the reward and, in time, you will get rid of the behavior without using punishment.

Unfortunately, finding the reward isn’t always easy. Many horse owners are blind to what really matters to their horses. Some have never thought about it. Others project their own wants and needs onto this radically different species. Others have an appreciation for the uniqueness of the horse but don’t yet have the skills to accurately assess a given situation and find the reinforcer. In fact, they sometimes reinforce the very behaviors they would like to change.

For example, think about what often happens when a novice handles a horse from the ground. The horse will push and crowd until the novice moves out of the way to avoid being stepped on. This submissive body language – the willingness to be moved by the horse – reinforces the horse’s assertive behavior and causes it to recur. A more experienced horseman handling the same horse would defend his space and not allow that reinforcement to occur. The horse’s desire to dominate in that context, with that human, would die out with time.

My challenge to you is to begin to look for the reinforcers – the rewards – in whatever your horse does repetitively, from the mundane to the marvelous. In the words of Tom Dorrance, “observe, remember, and compare.” You and your horse will be better for it.

Next time, I’ll share how we can “supercharge” the extinction principle.

A Step Back - Leadership

I’ve written and talked many times about the importance of backing a horse. Now I have a series of five short online videos that get into the why and how. Here’s the first one: Backing and Leadership. Check it out and let me know what you think.

My Horse Doesn’t Love Me

My horse knickers when she hears me coming. She comes to the fence to greet me and stands quietly while I scratch her on the forehead or kiss her on the nose. She always lets me catch her. She respects my space. She leads and bathes and clips and loads and does it all without any fuss. She will do simple tricks and take treats very carefully from my hand. She seems to enjoy being in my presence, and when I ride her, she always gives me a try, no matter what I ask her to do.

I certainly love her. But does she love me? I don’t think so, at least not in the human sense of the word.

Human love takes many forms: romantic love, parental love, divine love, love of country, love of job, love of food, love of hobbies, love of animals, etc. Each is a complex mental construct consisting of sense memories and abstract thoughts. It is a product of the human brain.

We can certainly correlate certain human “mind states” to equine “mind states.” For instance, fear. When a horse acts fearful, we think we know how that feels because we know how we feel when our safety is threatened. We can thus empathize with the horse and that is useful in giving the horse what it needs from moment to moment.

But love is different. We expect beings that love us to behave in a certain way, to protect us, even place their welfare above our own. A horse just can’t do that. It’s hardwired to always make its own safety number one. That is part of its essential nature.

I can hear the screams already. “No! It’s not true! My horse loves me!” You can believe that if you want. We can even redefine the meaning of the word “love” if that makes you happy, although that is a dangerous thing to start doing. It doesn’t change the reality: a horse is a horse, not a human.

The tendency to anthropomorphize is strong with all of us and it is often harmless. Those of us who teach horsemanship sometimes deliberately do it to make a point. When a horse is not respecting its owner, Clinton Anderson says, “He’s flicking cigarette butts at you!” These little excursions into fantasy can be helpful as teaching tools, but far too often, horse owners live in that fantasy and get hurt because they think their horses will be motivated by love and not primal instinct when they become frightened.

Horses are perfect just as they are. They don’t need to have human emotions or feelings or “mind states” to add joy to our lives. It is part of the journey to recognize the true nature of the horse in all its glory and uniqueness, and celebrate it for what it is.

Food for thought, my friends.R